All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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