Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
