I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
