He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
