Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
