im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
