butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We left an ass print on the piano.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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