the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
