Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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