I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
