I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
