just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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