So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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