Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
