You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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