just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
