Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
