FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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