if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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