Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
