like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
