24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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