so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
