Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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