Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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