Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize