He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
