She's JV to your varsity
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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