I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
