I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
