he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
