Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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