i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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