The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
