it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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