Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize