just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
