you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
