I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
