My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
