I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
