too bad you live with your parents still
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize