You can't motorboat a personality
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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