Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
