Michael Bay diarrhea
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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