i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize