UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize