Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
