Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
