my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
