Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
