Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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