You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
