Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
