You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
