she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize