You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
