I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
