I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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