you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
