Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
