DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
