She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
