also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
