M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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