You just made me feel so damn special
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're too hungover to prance.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
