he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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