i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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