i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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