Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
