Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
