the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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