So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
