Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
