thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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